Simulation Situation
by batman100
Summary: Alice guides Luther and Jill on a bizarre simulation of the New World voyage. What else is new?


**Simulation Situation**

"Unbelievable. How in the heck could that Red Queen even place a tiny little scorpion thing on my chest like that? I mean, It'd fall off like that" Jill ranted as she and Luther strolled down the hallway of Umbrella

"Yeah, that's true. How did it switch into bug mode when it fell off your chest, that I'd like to know" Luther asked

"Well, I must admit Alice did have some pretty damn hard muscles. Also, she didn't even cough blood. Gee, you think she'd join MMA fighting" Jill thought excitedly as Luther shuddered at the thought

"Er…Jill, I'm not really sure that'd be a good career." Luther stammered

"Why?" Jill asked before realizing "Oh now I get it, I thought for sure she took her medication this morning"

"Hahahahaha!" Alice cackled maniacally in the training zone. Jill and Luther exchanged looks, knowing something's up

"Well…looks like *somebody* is energetic" Jill started as they headed for the zone

"And being energetic…" Luther continued

"Can either lead to multiple concussions or a major medical bill" Jill finished before seeing the training simulation "What the?"

"Stow it, scurvy dogs! You, keep steady on the jib sails!" Alice babbled insanely, wearing a nicely crafted pirate captain's outfit

"Uh, Alice?" Luther asked nervously, tapping her shoulder

"Come on lads! Lift that monastery! We've got all day until Sunday!" Alice ranted before Jill throttled her

"Alice! Snap out of it, for crying out loud!" Jill shrieked as Alice slowly came into focus

"Oh 'ello mates. What's cracking?" Alice asked, in a Cockney accent as Jill eyed her pirate outfit strangely

"Uh…what is this?" Luther asked as Alice climbed up a port bow

"Like it? It's our newly installed Jamestown Expedition simulation disc. Look at how real it is! Heck, it's a lot like New Zealand!" Alice started

"Uh...yeah. Listen, Alice; just to be sure, aren't you a little *old* for dress up?" Jill asked sheepishly as Alice cracked up at that comment

"Me? Nah, it's a New Year, the night is young, the US of A is goin wild!" Alice roared, chugging a Sunkist

"Ok. I never thought I'd see this" Luther groaned, stunned by Alice's change of sanity

"Yep. It's like the Las Plagas thing…all. over. again. And let me tell you, it took a *lot* of tranquilizer darts to cool Alice down after that cancun incident" Jill reminded as Luther remembered the memories

"Well…it's sort of like that. Only the Las Plagas thing is long since abandoned, the zombies are either blown to bits or in a huge block of ice. And more to the point, zombies did *not* exist during the New World Expedition!" Luther ranted before an inhuman roar echoed through the Virginia forests "What was that?"

"Oh, probably a lion or something. Don't be such a sissy" Jill joked as Luther's teeth chattered

"Uh-uh. I don't think a lion has a mangled face and a left eye DANGLING OUT!" Luther wretched in disgust at the sight

"Oh God, I'm gonna hurl…" Jill groaned, getting queasy

"Here, use this" Alice piped up, handing Jill a greasy pail bucket

"You expect me…to vomit in *that*?!" Jill snapped, appalled by the bucket's noxious aroma

"Oh relax. It's just a hologram" Alice joked

"That's crazy! Just…just shut the simulation off…before I slip up and vomit on the tile floor" Jill moaned, bile slowly rising

"Uh, Alice? Little help?" Luther winced; his leg tangled in the security wires

"Luther? What in the..." Alice stammered before waving her hands in the air "Ok just hold still"

"Um, Alice? A little…glub!" Jill blubbered, a bit of saliva dripping

"How the heck did this happen?" Alice griped as she struggled to untangle the wires before a loud retching sound occurred "Oh…great"

"I couldn't help it. What did you want me to do, hold my breath?!" Jill snapped, holding her stomach, gasping for breath

"Um…yeah" Alice replied meekly as Luther gave Jill a sympathetic thumbs-up

a few minutes later…

"Well, the simulation's paused. Thank goodness" Alice responded, breathing for relief

"That's good. But actually…that was pretty fun" Luther grinned before continuing "How about you, Jill? Jill?"

"Awww…Luther, look" Jill whispered, directing Luther to the couch. Jill was sound asleep, lightly snoring, her blonde hair waving peacefully

"So angelic. Gosh, it's so adorable" Alice cooed

"Heh. That was like you and Chris during that Las Plagas thing, right?" Luther chuckled

"Bingo. Now let's do some poker and let Jill here get some rest" Alice replied before stroking Jill's hair and kissing her on the forehead. As Alice headed off, Jill smiled in her sleep before opening both eyes

"Shhhh" Jill whispered, making a shushing sound to the camera, winking


End file.
